wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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