there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
