You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
