You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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