So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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