I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
