Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
you will always have a special place in my vag
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
