Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
