I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize