My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
