can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
