I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Randomize
