oh god the rape fog is back!
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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