That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
