we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
