How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
we're so committed to being not committed
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