i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Randomize
