Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
