just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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