I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
