My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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