so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
