Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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