Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
