i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
