Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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