i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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