For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
