garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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