I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
