i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
