take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
