So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
