What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
