Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
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i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
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I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.