"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"