I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet