i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
