Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
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should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
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Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.