someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many