Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.