i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie