sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.