i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?