3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
you win again, gameday.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
