The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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