Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
