Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
