yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
