i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
My bed smells like the plague
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
