you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Randomize
