So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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