How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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