Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
