I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
pray to the hookup gods
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
