She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize