I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
