I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
