im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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