I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
