and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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