I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
