I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Buhtt sex?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
