And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
