i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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