I can't breathe out the right side of my face
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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