Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
