Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
