I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
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She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
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I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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