I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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