when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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