i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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