She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
