um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
