Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
