Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize