She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
