he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
