I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize