I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Randomize
