Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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