im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Randomize
