Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
