why didn't you poke me back
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
