just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Acid is not a monday night drug
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
