Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
